J*** In My Pants re-CAP 12/09

Adolfo - When I was down to only 1500 in chips blinds were 1000/500 and there was four of us left, did I panic? No I played it cool. When Frank doubled me up did I jump for joy and elbow punch him for the heck of it? No I played it cool. I don't play poker like usual, I keep it cool. When I decimated John heads up did I stand on my chair and jump for joy? I think u know the answer, I played it cool. bee bop boo bip bow yeah yeah snap snap snap.


John - Amassed 2nd biggest stack early with some cards and patented Psy-Ops then sat on his chips and folded his way to 2nd. He went into heads up massively out chipped, few hands into it he Ji$$'d in his pants when he flops trip kings and goes all in, I call my flopped open ended straight and flush draw. After my call he jumps up and slams his cards up proudly proclaiming what he thought was his winning hand and ji**ing his pants again, then I announce what I have and he just wills it to me. Then he goes and changes his clothes.


Carlino - Straight Flush, KK over JJ, how did this 08 trainwreck only get to break even money?


Frank - Bubble bubble bubble, game changer was Satoshi period, had his number all night long. Remember those cartoons where the sucker was placed on the carousel and the other guy would just stick his fist out waiting for the guys face to come around again for a punch? yeah now just put Franks face on the carousel and satoshi's fist puching frank once an orbit infinity.


Rebecca - Big Blind's, tired and sick doesnt usually finish in the money but surprise pot stickers were godhead.


Satoshi - Winner of the It Was His Game To Lose and He Did award. He had about 70% of the chips in play then just found a way to donk them off, it was a quick and steady hemmorage to the ER. Early game he was just Juggernauting the table, he caught a level 2 full house, a 6/3 club flush, pushed frank off a hand with KcJc, J10 catches a turn on lino, then everyone woke up and took chunks out of him.


Brian - He lived and died by the cursed 88 hand. He got into a big pot with Lino and ran into a straight flush, check and mate. Second out, second out, second out.


Ilya - Folded quite a bit and I think i saw some premium hands, this stinks of a Helmuth disc 1 or Brian lessons meh.

Stanford Prison Experiment re-CAP!

John - Once again the blue moon has reared its rare head and what a moon it was. I'm embarrassed to say that I made this 30% heads up donk a 40% heads up donk, ugh. But it was entertaining to see him just go psych warfare on everyone early then lose almost all of it only to go on a winning shovedonkfest, enjoy the week.


Adolfo - Was a game 1 1st out train wreck but turned it around with some decent poker, made it heads up and got jumped by johns little cheerleading squad (he had a chip counter, and a poker coach), god i'd love to see him fight one of his own fights just once, just once. Well this plus I caught a series of just dismal cards and the fact that I momentarily forgot how to play heads up didn't help.


Carlino - Had John squarely in the cross hairs when he gets it all in with a better Ace than John, but of course the Cobra champ win curse kicks in and John catches yet another miracle when his baby kicker catches. Lino was 3rd out game 1.


Chris - Bit of a rough night for the money leader, he had a massive chip lead in Game 1 but just got utterly outplayed heads up by Satoshi. But should this be a surprise? He's only a 30% heads up player, how is this guy gonna be the champ? Oh yeah being a cash machine. Bubble boy tried to fold (wait for a miracle) his way to the money but everyone is on to that. I must give him props for hosting 2 games and for re-mucking his hand when some of the table was considering giving him an exception when he mucked out of turn, that was the stand up thing to do.


Saurabh - Put the final nail in my game 1 coffin when my 2 pair ran into his pocket AA which turned into all kinds off better hand. But he ended up a midpacker in both games, was awesome to see him again and big ups to his new baby and future cobra member.


Owen - Caught some great cards and went on a tear then pulled the roller coaster and that never ends on the top. Game 1 2nd out to Game 2 3rd out, ugh go roast me some coffee beans would u?


Satoshi - Despite being insanely outchipped, he made an incredible heads up comeback for a game 1 win, just decimated Chris, alas game 2 is rarely forgiving.


Rebecca - Lets face it her game was over when she gave 90% of her stack to me when she decided to play "feel" poker. I wonder what she "felt" watching her chips come to me, oh and she went first out, and fifth out in game 1.

Kid Cash returns re-CAP! 10/6/08

Zach - Just came in and f'ing steamrolled, absolutely smacked over the head with cards and was mowing down hookers and carjacking cobras like a game of GTA on crystal meth.


Chris - Why did he fold those trips, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!!!!!!! Zach played him like a fiddle pushing Chris off his trips with 2 pair, great move.


Adolfo - 3 cashes in a f'ing row, suck it.


Brian - River Bubble king


Frank - I wonder if he's gonna show up with all his Obama FLAIR on again, ugh.


John - What a great hostess, the food was amazing. Oh and he back to back'd 4th out.


Satoshi - Oh thats right, he was there Kings busted.


Owen - blew his load pretty quick.


Mike - Wow I didn't think it was possible to make Carlino look good.

Been A Long Time re-CAP! 9/22/08

Been way too long since I've brought the CAP, been so busy I could not even document my amazing back to back 1st to 2nd place finish in one night! Ah but i'm a gracious winner so lets begin in the present, where the new kid takes it down, a flukedonk catches multiple miracles and yours truly is there to bring it to u, let us begin the blood letting...


Satoshi - The new Cobra played a solid game, was chip leader most of the game, used Mike as his personal atm, lost a lot to Trish but got it back, got rivered by Brian and found a way to win, props for now new kid.



Brian - Had absolutely no business getting 2nd place money, I lost count how many times he bad beat or rivered someone, got up from his chair to leave then boom another miracle river, it was beyond redonkulous. Should have ended up 5th out.


Adolfo - Rivered by Brian, if it wasn't for luck....infinite loop.


Frank - Bad beat by Brian twice, could not cash despite catching Aces back to back and QQ twice, back to the mid pack you go.


Trish - Immediately made Satoshi his ATM, then decided to double Mike up about 3 times, gave me a boat load of chips. He came in the game at the 4th level (bs) with fewer players, became chip leader and still couldn't close the f'ing deal, he may want to rethink that Vegas trip. Winner of the it was his game to lose and he did award.


Aaron - Ugh, wheres my copy/paste? ah here it is, "He got chips early, and slowly bled bye bye" infinate loop.


Mike - It was like a cow trying to cross a pond full of piranhas, almost everyone got a bite, even the real donks.


John - Went Elvin in his bathroom, eat his pizza, and took his money. Had a cute moment when he took the easy Mike chips one hand. Besides that it was sweet mother of mediocrity 3rd out meh.


Chris - Rivered by Brian.


Carlino - Jesus where do i begin? How bout when he mucked in the big blind out of turn? Brian said, "am I going to be the first person to ever get a walk in the small blind?". Yeah that pretty much sums up this 08 sophmore slumpwreck.

A Rare Gift

Chris - He was on life support and got 2 donk double up gifts from Trishan, climbed up the building then folded his way to heads up. Last hand was trip 6's vs trip 6's but Chris had the Q kicker to take it down.


Frank - River suck out on Chris and Julie early in the game saved him, and his little donk J catch vs me.


Adolfo - I had not business not winning that game, no excuses, I was the chip leader going in 3 handed. Doubled up Chris when his 22 all in held up vs my AJ, then the killer was when Frank goes all in with AJ and I make the genius call with AQ, Frank catches the J out the window and it's a rare gift for the remaining donks.


Trish - Oh bubbly trainwreck bubble boy, the food was macking so big ups there!


Ryan - goes all in with 77's I call with 10's destroyance complete zzzzz.


John - Typical trainwreck John, exciting action early, some donk falls for it. Then Ryan shows up with AA all in and John makes the AQ call = non factor master.


Carlino - There was a little controversy on the hand when Brian in the short stack goes all in and both chris then lino call. Lino (online donk) bet the turn to hit the K, some felt that checking it down was the right thing to do, meh. Trishan gets his etiquette rage out by knocking him out with 55 vs Linos A5. Thanks for bringing the jumbos, they are way better than those old crap cards we sometimes play with. Oh and Sophmore Slump! Sophmore Slump! Sophmore Slump! Sophmore Slump!


Erik - Lino calls, I call, Erik moves all in, Lino folds, i go into the tank, Erik calls clock, I make the call, he shows QQ I show 77. I actually apologize in advance for the suckout he's about to fall victim to, I river the 7 I knew was coming. Once again sorry for that, boom Hulk is released, Trish needs home repair.


Julie - Brutal beat when riverdonk Frank calls her Flush with trips and he catches the miracle river full house.


Brian - John puts the ball on the tee and drives it 200 yards, Psychology! Gets crippled early when he makes the call with something less than an A vs Johns trap trip Aces. Carlino knocks him out in a controversial hand when his K hits vs Brians 44.

Back to Backs re-CAP! 5/16/08

Brian popped his hosting cherry in the new vertical stair freindly, scary dog out front digs. The fresh made pizza was the bomb and the view was stunning. The view was even better with all the cobras that were about to be thrown off his balcony mercilessly. Of note there were lots of back to backs for the night, proceed to the carnage for more...


Ryan - How do you lose with quads? Ryan rhymes with Brian and they were both winners, coincidence?


Adolfo - Back to back second place cash, check out one of the fools I chained up and what I made him repeat.


Brian - Nice game 1 win to game 2 break even, awesome hosting job oh and thanks for the crazy face coffee mug now take that to goodwill first thing in the morning.


Chris - Back to back Bubble letting it all just slip away.


Carlino - Back to back 5th place sigh. I hear he's like some sort of uber level ElfWarrior in World of Warcraft at least. Oh and sophmore slump sophmore slump sophmore slump sophmore slump.


Frank - Had absolutely no business NOT being in Oakland before he inevitably was.


John - Wow house of Clipper was just utterly decimated, a 2nd out then somehow gets convinced to get out of his adult sized baby jammies only to go 3rd out, then finally getting lapped in the cash by not one but 2 cobras.


Rebecca - Do I even need to say anything here? She brought an interesting pumpkin dish, took a bite of pizza then blammo fangs to the jugular first out bye. Ah but whats that? a return for game 2? Ok great, whammo 2nd out! iPhone game time.


Trish - From -1 to FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT sweet sweet train wreck.

Dishonorable mention Justin going out 5th out game one, tried to make a move on me and I made a freaking amazing call to knock him out of the hamster trail.

Come out to play ay re-CAP! 5/11/08 late

Adolfo - Change the word "warriors" and replace with "cobras" to the vid above. Did you see when I twisted the knife in Johns gut to knock him out with his cute little I'm all in with JJ shove? If you zoomed into my face you would have seen a few millimeters of the corner of my mouth curl up.


Chris - Keeps his temp hold on the cash leader board, but I'll bet that changes again soon.


TreJack - C'mon this name is ridonkculous can we think of something else? I'll use the Hai inspired "Trish". Game one 4th out to break even ugh the trainwreck continues.


Rebecca - On the upside she knocked Hai out with AK, his all in JJ's shriveled up and Ryans 99's were crushed too making her the early monster stack.


Frank - All in with a Q8 vs Trish K6 high card won and frank is left with almost nothing. Me and Chris check it down and Chris gets the honor of sending him back to the 510.


John - Had a cute little run but is back to normal now, how did you donks let him get to 3rd in the cash? (as of this game)


Erik - On the downside he went all in with 44's vs Trish QQ buh bye. On the upside an impressive game 1 victory and yes he is the certified owner of Johns soul.


Ryan - Trainwreck 3 way all in (see becca above) followed up by his all in 22's (aka Elvin) crushed when Frank catches a flush on the river.


Hai - Wow game 1 he made 4 bubbles in a row, but alas FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT FIRST OUT!