Massacre at Clipper re-CAP! 3/38/08

Adolfo - I came into Johns early with the web cam under the assumption all i had to do was plug it in and set up the live stream for the fans. Alas John thought i was bringing a laptop w/my bad back, uh no I was saving my energy for the bloodbath.

Then I shot all the lights out, once everyone walked in things got really weird, I put on my night vision goggles then went to work a la le professional. I walked up behind John and said "Gyro!" then covered his head in a Cala foods plastic bag till he went purple and dropped, oh hi Erik check out this pack of cigs I just threw up in the air, then as he's looking up samurai sword swing across his belly organs all over the kitchen floor don't slip!
Trishan aww so cute he actually showed up i'll make it quick and painless with a standard chubbo ponytail Segal neck snap "crack" done, i'll take Bailey out for a poop later for you.
Ryan can i borrow that ballpoint pen? oh casino stab stab stab to the neck! Now go write your name on the knocked out list, oh yeah you can't ur dead!
I'm now waiting on the ceiling pressed against the walls when who walks below me but a Doyle's Room hat smoking a cigar with red hair underneath, slowly drop down loop wire slowly around the neck and whammo pull back! thats poker coo coo coo (in cooter from dukes of hazard speak).
Brian, it's not what it looks like, Frank is just sleeping ;) lets go out on the row boat for some fishing, you face forward i'll be in the back, heres a philly blunt enjoy, Fantasy Baseball! Kablamo saw'd off shot gun to the back, boom sleepin w/the fishes but thanks for the cool cobra/adolfo image.
Hey Chris is here yay! walk right over here theres some sports on TV or something bam net trap, time for a little Mr. Blonde (reservoir dogs) straight razor/gasoline fun, it's gonna be a long night for you.
Ah but in walks Carlino with the stink of vegetables and sophmore all over him, I decide the Bolivian neck tie would suit him best, neck slice tongue pulled out ewww, but awesome, but ewww, but awesome, but ewww, but awesome.


Carlino - So close, so very close to ending one of his many curses of the year, that being the last active Cobra to not win a game yet. Let me clarify, have you won a game this year? yes you have (if your an active cobra) but if your Carlino your face is now buried in your hands filled with tears and your computer monitor is most likely broken on the floor by now. On the upside he knocked Frank out when he calls Franks Jh10h vs his Qd9h. His last hand was a Js5s but i flushed him down the toilet.


Chris - Are you gonna bark all day little doggie or are you gonna bite? Upside was when he baby doubled up with QQ vs linos 88. His last hand he walked into Lino's made straight trap and it was lights out for break even. Chris had 9's 3 times that night! He doubled up through me once when he rivers a 3 on me.


Brian - Could barely see his hands between the clouds in the room. After doubling up Chris Carlino decides to double up Brian once too. Later Brian gets knocked out by Chris's 99 vs his A9 at level 7.


Frank - 73737373 in your dreams all night love it! boom cash game least your have Tahoe to break. On the upside his trips vs. Eriks Q was his tiny highlight.


Ryan - Sorry yeah that was brutal but awesome, but the vid fit the story so eh.


Trishan - When it rains it pours, the image above pretty much sums up his year. Brutal hand of the night for Trishan AQ vs Brians KQ flop comes K and no help for the trainwreck that is known as Trishan.


Erik - The usual, gets knocked out, does some high pitch snotty imitations of me that are really quite funny, no really they are, then watches me tell him he's gonna have to come in on Sunday and that all his TPS reports are wrong in his dreams.


John - Lost all side action to me, got knocked out KK vs AA by me, got knocked out of top 3 overall by me, his soul has been bought by me, I have the contract in my bank safety deposit box signed by him in a combo of his blood/tears ink. Oh and he's first out first out first out.

In my house now, my house! re-CAP! 3/22/08

Was a gorgeous day in San Francisco and whats the best use of that day? Yes staying inside a dark loft eating pizza watching projected blinds, college basketball on a non hd tv, listening to awesome tunes, and sweet sweet poker. We had assembled an impressive 9 handed game, but both Brian and Ira bok bok lamer'd at the last minute so it was a very motley crew of 7.

An interesting twist was at the last minute I had kooky idea to provide a video stream of the game. So I quickly pointed the web cam at the table, sorry I know the sun coming through the window did not make for an optional image. Ustream.tv provided it all making it very easy to set up and share, you all got the link at the last minute. Anyhow lets get to the blood letting...


Adolfo - I played absolutely perfect, you should all go take lessons from me and study me, ok ok just kidding. I had wild swings, was really up and really down, caught a river flush on Trishan, donked off some chips to Julie, you people happy now? In the end things went well, I had a substantial chip lead going into heads up, but was never a sure thing, I hope Chris puts a bounty on me every week it's great luck.


Julie - Cried about not catching a flop most of the night, was on life support (she just would not die) then got a life saving donation double up from me. Was a good thing too cause she went to work on the remaining stacks making things a bit more even. Highlight of the day was her runner runner flush catch on Eric for a double up. Last hand she has 49 she hits the 4 on the flop of A42, uh oh but i have 35 turn is an A she goes all in I auto call and win. Her heads up stats get an additional blemish.


Eric - Same ole Eric, just solid aggression, not zachlike manic crackhead aggression but consistent firing none the less, wild chip stack swings, he and Aaron were the monster stacks of the night, in his zeal to knock everyone out he ended up doubling nearly everyone up at the end, was a miracle he didn't cash.


Carlino - My favorite line of the night was him looking down on a sorry excuse of a stack then asking, "who took all my chips?", none of us could figure out who had. I knocked him out, as for the rest of his game he had a couple blips of life, but believe me it's not even worth the pixels so meh. Sophmore slump Sophmore slump Sophmore slump, ps he's the only "active" cobra left not to get a win this year but no pressure, no pressure, train wreck.


Aaron - Sweet mother of sassy mollassy, Aaron makes a huge call when Zach goes all in with nothing and Aaron shows the K for top pair. Then he just slowly amasses a monster borg stack, it was so his game to lose relatively early and we all know what that means. Yes he actually somehow traversed his way through insane corn patch maze to find a way to lose all those chips. Bee bo bop beep beep, whats that sound? uh the ATM about to dispense our cash. I knocked him out but that's barely worth mentioning, sigh.


Trishan - Talk about revenge of the river, like I said at the game, Trishan should have just come over and stood with his legs apart and let each of us take a turn kicking him in the nuts then left 22 behind. Wow he was so so so close to first out, check out this picture of me and Bailey holding Trishan up, bad Bailey bad!



Fast K.O - video powered by Metacafe
Zach - Same ole Zach, pedal to the metal in the red GTO without a seatbelt on with half a bottle of JD killed and coke rings round his nostrils scream singing Ace of Spades all the way to first out.

Cherry Poppin Cobras re-CAP! 3/2/08

Ryan - First Frank now this! Looks like every dog is having their day, well minus Aaron (sigh). Final hand, Ryan makes it $10,000. Brian re-raises all-in for $24,000. Ryan thinks about it. Then calls with 10 7 off suit. Brian has A 6. 6 on the flop. Turn hits a 10. River nothing. Ryan takes his winnings and goes on a drug crazed sex romp with the olsen twins through hollywood yelling, "I'm gonna live forever!". Congrats on the win.


Brian - Rhymes with Ryan coincidence? Made an impressive comeback to get a miracle 2nd finish, last time I saw him he was on the ropes with only approx 4500 left and a healthy John, and a very healthy Frank I must admit I thought he was gonna bubble. Pocket Aces twice doubled him up. 4-handed Luke donked off lots of chips to him. Brian had AQ and raised 3x. Luke comes over the top all in when he had tons of chips. Brian looked at the payout structure and with 3rd and 4th getting about the same $$$, he calls. Flops AQx.


Frank - Great video of Frank just letting me have it when I got knocked out, love it. How he gave up 2nd place to Brian has to be up there in the donk results of the year, on the upside it's a back to back cash! Congrats etiquette boy I see a first out in your very near future muhwahaha (morriss day laugh).


Luke - Had no business getting this far, we had him down to virtually nothing, he was talking about leaving and visiting a nearby friend, then he goes on the miracle shove fest and made an impressive comeback to cash.


John - Copy Paste last weeks performance here, Gets big stack early, goes into his little pain cave, boom he's gone, repeat infinite loop oh and Bubble. Move of the night was when he makes Luke fold a good hand then Luke is left asking himself for the rest of the night if he got played or not for a very nice pot, can you say dig and dugg?


Adolfo - Ran ice cold, miracle I got this far, loved the gang verbal beating I got too, use the hatred, thats it succumb to the dark side.


Justin - Mmm margaritas! Got a soda can sack beating when he brought his tiny stack to the adults table.


Rebecca - New name for her RGR Rebecca Gets Rivered, I can set my watch to this gut wrencher every week, sorry kid. Bec big blind special with 62. Flop 62A, Brian has AQ he loses most of his chips. But he gets back at her when he limps with AA and Bec raises with QQ. Board KJ10xx. Later on Brian takes her out.


Julie - Cool hair, I hear she's good at WII too!


Chris - didn't get past the kiddie table, meh.


Carlino - Happy bday, cobra gift, 11th place, no mercy holmes.


Satoshi/Dave/Zach etc.. lost the order for the early departed, mega meh.


Trishan - First out First out First out, u should have seen him at the adults table, he was our personal pinata, everyone had a swing at him it was brutal yet preshin. Factoid Trishan is the new most first outs title holder.